Reducing Text Stress and Setting Boundaries

We’re normalising an expectation of instant responses and constant availability, which creates unnecessary stress. It’s time to set boundaries and push back against this mentality and culture

I have ADHD, and Text Stress is real. It can be overwhelming keeping on top of messages. My previous post, I have ADHD and here’s why I forget to reply to your texts described how certain content of text messages can trigger a non-response from some of us with ADHD.

This post is about managing text boundaries.

I moderate a very active chat platform within https://www.instagram.com/lnfg_neurodivergent_friendship/. The steady stream of messages is constant, and I love it. However, keeping on top of messages outside of the group is a lot, especially as I also run a pet hotel which generates a lot of text notifications.

Texts pile up, notifications buzz, and there’s the pressure to respond immediately.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how by not having boundaries, we are are normalising that it is wrong to not text back immediately, and this is causing unnecessary stress. We are unwittingly training society to expect everyone to be at each other’s beck and call.

Here are 7 ways to change your set text boundaries and take control of your communication and protect at least a little bit of your sanity.

1. Turn off read receipts

Why is read receipts even a thing? This is so invasive and toxic, and normalises the mentality that we should always be available and responsive no matter what.

These two blue ticks are literally training society to think that we’re entitled to an instant response.

It’s nobody’s business if and when you’ve read their text. And just because you’ve read their text, you should not be under any obligation to instantly reply unless it’s an emergency. Having the capacity to read a text is one thing. For example, we can sneakily glance at a text  in a meeting, while eating dinner or in a conversation.

However, we can’t always reply under the same circumstances. Replies can’t be done with a mere glance. Maybe in a few years, but currently our tech  does not support that.😅🥁

Replying requires headspace, thoughts, cognitive processes, and for you to not be in a meeting. Replying instantly normalises that we owe somebody an instant response just because we’ve read the message This is a very toxic mentality that we as a society have developed.

Pretty please for society’s sake, turn off read receipts 🙏

Crank up the mystery factor by not allowing everybody to know exactly when you’ve read their message.

Extra challenge for the overachievers - let those blue ticks appear and don’t reply until you’re ready 🫢

2. Stop apologising for not texting back immediately

Every time you apologise for not texting back immediately, you normalise that it is wrong to not text back immediately

Unless someone was expecting an urgent response or it’s been more than two days or 6 months 😅, there is no need to apologise.

3. Reject apologies from others for not texting back immediately

When others apologise to you for not texting immediately, tell them not to apologise. Let’s return to having healthy boundaries and normalise not being at everyone’s beck  and call.

4. Use Talk to text

Talk to text is a game changer. I’m a little heavy handed, and I often press the wrong buttons, especially when I’m tired, stressed or in a hurry.

Usually I am all of the above.

This means that I write gobbledygook, and have to rewrite the same thing repeatedly.

Not good for someone with low frustration tolerance😅.

It is so much easier doing talk to text. Yes there are always mistakes, but it’s much more accurate and easier to correct.

I actually use talk to text for most things now. My last three article posts, including this one was written almost entirely by talk to text.

But make sure you check before you hit send!

When using talk to text make sure you check before you hit send!

5. Switch your phone to sleep or do not disturb mode and only check texts at allocated times

Change your phone mode to sleep or do not disturb so that you do not hear or see alerts,  and  check texts when you are available or at allocated times during the day rather than every time you get a text.

That way you won’t feel like a Pavlovian dog rushing to your phone whenever an alert sounds.

My Pavlovian response to my phone notifications started getting a little out of hand about a year ago. My neurodivergent community communicates on WhatsApp and there are a lot of alerts.

The increase in alerts is what prompted me to start putting my phone on sleep mode.

The catalyst for this was when I went out for lunch with a friend, and my phone constantly vibrated. I was desensitised to the  alerts at this point, and the person I was with looked at me with concern in their eyes and asked me if everything was ok and whether I was being stalked.

Everything ok hun?

That’s when I started to think about whether it was that healthy to have my phone constantly alerting and beckoning me.

Consequently, I started switching my phone to sleep mode so that I don’t hear or see notifications. I then began to check my phone at particular times during the day when I had a few minutes to read and respond to messages. This worked so well for me that I have continued with this approach.

Tell people you have a policy of texting back as allocated times rather than when you get an alert unless it is urgent, and you do not see notifications as they appear because your phone is set to do not disturb.

If you’re expecting an urgent call or have people who rely on you, these phone modes always allow you to make exceptions for certain people, so they’ll still be able to get through to you.

If there is an urgent situation for anyone else, realistically what are you going to do? They should call emergencies services, not you.

6. Change your status

Wherever possible, state your text response boundaries in the status of your communication platforms.

My WhatsApp status says please wait 24 hours for a reply. Sure, this is at times completely ignored, but at least it’s something to refer to when people get pushy and do annoying things such as send me the multiple question mark texts 🥲.

The Multiple Question Mark Text 😭

7. Email about work stuff, don’t text

Ask colleagues to send  work related messages to emails rather than text or WhatsApp, and make sure that you disable work email notifications. Do you really need Sharon from HR to remind you of the updated dress code policy while at your friend’s birthday party?

The End Bit

Text boundaries helps reduce Text Stress and makes us less overwhelmed. By setting expectations in your messaging status, turning off read receipts, managing response times, and utilising tools like "Do Not Disturb" modes, you can reclaim control over your time and avoid the pressure of instant replies.

These practices not only protect your personal space but also encourage a shift in societal norms around digital communication. Remember, it’s ok to take your time, and your boundaries deserve respect—don’t apologise for protecting your peace and sanity.

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